HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

Meeting Stupid Head On Pt. 2"I'm so sorry," I sarcastically said. I grabbed some napkins and pretended to try to dry her off.

"You sonofabitch!" She tried to slap me and I caught her arm.

"That's assault." I said. I let go of her arm and she just glared at me for a few seconds then stormed past me and out the door with her husband running to catch up.

I don't know if any of you have ever felt as awesome as I did right then but I felt like my whole being was glowing. The other customers inside were sitting in a shocked silence, Kacey was catatonic probably figuring out what to say to her boss, and Sarah was giggling like crazy having stepped out once she had seen my arm go up to dump my soda.

Now if this was fiction or some sort of movie I'd probably have something real cool to say or Sarah would have run out and planted a big kiss on me and we'd be going out but that's not real life. Sarah's cute but she's in high school and I'm almost 27 and I like being a free man. And in situations where there are too many awesome choices in what to say I kind of get caught up in trying to decide and blurt out something weak. So what I said was...

"Hey, um, can I get the mop from you guys? I'll clean this up."

Sarah surprised me and started clapping and then everyone else joined in so it was pretty wicked having seven or eight people clapping for me for something like that. And Sarah now rings up my club sandwiches as veggies so I save three bucks every time I go to Subway and she's working.

1 year ago | Comments (0)

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

Meeting Stupid Head On Pt. 1I guess in an average day normal people have bouts of stupidity. I mean, we all have at one time or another experienced something I like to call a "brain fart." It's done with such vigor, vehemence, and venom, +1 to alliteration, that it's difficult to not become angry with them for being as stupid as they are.
I met one of these individuals and her poor excuse of a husband the other day while in line at Subway. Normally I mind my own business but this woman had it coming.
I frequent Subway about twice a week. I've gotten to know, on a first name basis, the people that work in the one near my house and they know me well enough that if there isn't a line and they see me walk in my sandwich is already half way made. Three days ago I walked in and saw a couple in their late 40's early 50's, looking up at the menu. Their eyes seemed slightly glazed, their mouths agape as they stared. The husband was mumbling the words as he read and they both looked befuckingfuddled. Looking back on it I wouldn't be surprised if they happened to be the same couple Geoff saw in Austin get outsmarted by a Stromboli and a Calzone.

I stood behind them and gave a smile and nod to "Sarah," one of the girls working that knew me. Five minutes later, at least it felt that long, the woman starts to move and freaks me out, because I think at that point she should have been dead, and tells Sarah what she wants.

"I'll have a club and my husband will have a turkey sandwich."

For the life of me I have no fucking clue how her husband was able to communicate what he wanted before hand because to me he seemed interested in figuring out what he wanted via the menu. Even he seemed amazed at his wife's precognition and just moved to sit down.

"Ok, ma'am, what size and what type of bread would you like with those?" Sarah asked the two standard questions you get at Subway.

The woman looked at Sarah like she was retarded and said very slowly, "I said, I'll have a club and my husband will have the turkey."

Sarah and I both gave one another a confused look and she said. "I understand that, ma'am, but I need to know what bread and size so I can cut it."

"Are you deaf? I said a club and a turkey!"

I couldn't believe it this woman was either batshit insane, a moron, or a complete bitch.

"The sandwiches aren't premade, ma'am. I need to know if you'd like a footlong," Sarah held up examples for her,"or a six-inch. Then I need to know which of these bread types here," she basically shook the display case in front of the woman,"that you would like your sandwich to be on. That you want a club and turkey only let's me know what meat to put on it and I can't do that until we get through the bread part."

The woman seemed completely at a loss. It was as if Sarah had handed her a Rubik's Cube and said, "Go."
Suddenly the gears slipped back into place and she told Sarah her breads and sizes. So Sarah starts making the sandwiches. At this point I'm getting thirsty so I just grab a cup and fill up a soda. Sarah knows I'm staying and paying so she doesn't care. I get back in line to hear this...

"Get that roast beef off of there. I didn't tell you to put that on!"

Now the roast beef is part of the club at Subway. You tell them you want a club and you're getting turkey, ham, and roast beef on that sandwich. Up on the board it has those meats listed right under the club telling you what's on it.

Sarah explained this to the woman who was hearing none of it. I mean the customer's always right, right?
So she ends up with turkey, ham, and bacon on her sandwich. At Subway this is now considered a melt.

But Sarah soldiers on and asks her what kind of cheese would she like. Bad fucking move Sarah.

"You are fucking stupid, aren't you? I. WANT. A. CLUUUUUUUBBBBB. AND. A. TURRRRRRKEEEEEEEEY..."

Sarah is now beginning to crack and is visibly upset. She grabs the generic cheese slaps it on both and hesitates. I know she wants to ask what veggies the woman wants but doesn't know how without being verbally abused. She hesitates a little too long.

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

I step in and politely say, "You need to tell her what vegetables you'd like on the sandwiches."

The woman snapped her head around to glare at me so fast I thought she was going to pounce.

"Do you work here?"

"No, but..."

"I didn't think so, in fact you look like you don't work at all." The haughty bitch turned back to Sarah."Make them like they are in the picture."

I actually did work at Subway back when I was in high school. I glared at the woman as Sarah finished the sandwiches. She flew through them so fast that before the woman could bitch some more she was wrapping them.

The woman began bitching about how she needed to stop and take off tomatoes and onions, and her husband didn't want green peppers or olives. And what was in those bottles she sprayed all over the sandwich. But Sarah was done and simply ignored her, wrapping them up and handing them to "Kacey" who had just stepped out from the back to ring up the woman.

"Are you the manager? Because this girl here is the worst person..." She started to bitch.

Sarah turned to Kacey and said, "a melt and a turkey."

"Melt! Who said anything about a melt? I told you I wanted a club." Her abuse flowed and Sarah left a confused Kacey taking the brunt of it. From my angle I could see Sarah wiping away tears and I got pissed.

So I calmly removed the lid from my drink and dumped it on the woman's head. She gasped and just looked at me shocked.

"Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of here. I'm pretty sure they can stand losing your business." I was calm and I think that's what made the woman afraid. I looked at her husband expecting trouble but he just seemed to look relieved. The woman glared at her husband to do something but when he didn't move she got uppity again and threatened to call the cops saying what I did was assault.

"Assault? I'm pretty sure everyone here saw me accidentally trip and spill."

1 year ago | Comments (0)

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

Finished.Ugh I'm happy and yet disgusted. Happy to win disgusted at not reaching my personal goal of 40k. Thanks to everyone that sent me supportive messages and game suggestions. I tried looking for several but the Gamestop in my area wasn't carrying them and the turn around time on Gamefly is a week for me.

I might have done it but made the mistake of tackling Just Cause. I knew it was going to be a long game but I figured I'd play a little then move to something else. Hell no! Glitches and all I had fun with that game so it sucked up the last of my time.

Thanks to the AH crew for letting me hang with them for a bit last night on Reach and to Tudor for making such an impossible challenge.

Pretty much all my gamerscore came from 100% clearing retail games with some other games I had getting finished off. Here's my breakdown.

Full clear games:
CSI Game x 3
Cars
Cars -Maternational
King Kong
Fight Night Round 3
Fuzion Frenzy 2
Terminator Salvation
Where the Wild Things Are
Kung Fu Panda
Backyard Football '10
Spiderman Friend or Foe
The Bourne Conspiracy (Actually very fun and easy points. Nothing like smashing a guy repeatedly in the face with a hardcover book. Take a look, it's in the book, motherfucker!)
Need for Speed: Most Wanted (much more of a time sink than it should have been. This is not a game that should be rated easy to get the points on. The AI adjusts to your skill of driving which sucks ass. You can be driving perfect only to be passed and lose at the end by a Volkswagon Golf while you're in a Porsche Carrera)
Eragon (now I know why it was a part of forced enjoyment.)
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Meet the Robinsons (it made me hate comedian Harland Williams who, up until this point, I tolerated and chuckled at occasionally.)
Harry Potter and HBP (My first Harry Potter game and I actually enjoyed it. Except for the collectibles, fuck collectibles.)
Superman Returns
MLB 2k6
Madden 06
Madden 09
Hannah Montana (I now know why some men beat women. Not saying I condone it, just that, ya know, I understand.)
Truth or Lies
Gun
Ice Age 3
Rango (very enjoyable)
Saw
Ben 10: Vilgax Attacks
Up
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Night at the Museum 2
Trivial Pursuit
Just Cause
Megamind

The games I've owned but either never played or finished off some achievements to clear them completely.
Halo:ODST Cleared
The Dishwasher Cleared
Braid Cleard
CoD: WaW Almost cleared? (Need 4 player competitive co-op. Who's in?)
Scene it? LCA Cleared
The Force Unleashed 700
GH II& III (Which I will be honest, I had a friend who was good come over and finish off my expert careers and he also 5 starred my hard careers and the experts. But the rest was mine.)

and...
Madden 08. 10 catches in a row by the same receiver, 20 completions in a row. Fuck those two achievements. I ended up with a broken controller, a game that magically shattered against the wall, and a plastic case that was mysteriously shattered then melted down. - I got 960 from it.

BTW I have 100% in the Halo games. How come there's no special treat on 343's Halo Waypoint for that? There's avatar awards peppered throughout the levels but nothing for at the top.

All the achievements were gained either by me figuring them out, a walkthrough, or guide. Any "cheating" done was only on games that allowed you to still gain gamerscore by using cheats (which the developers left in), adjusting skill sliders, or being assisted by friends either online or in person.

So once again thanks and having said that expect to never see me win another gamerscore race again, I've burned all my freebies.

1 year ago | Comments (2) | + 4 Cool

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

So close yet so far...Ok I'm running out of games to play. If anyone can look at my played list and suggest something that isn't on there, that's relatively easy, 1-10 hours to get 1000g or even close to that, I'd appreciate it. Some games i have lined up...

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
Up
Night at the Museum
Trivial Pursuit
Ben 10 Alien Force: Vilgax Attacks
Sherlock Homes vs Jack the Ripper
Transformers Dark of the Moon
Wanted: Weapons of Fate

I've had a couple people tell me to shoot for the 50k and if I can line up enough easy games (need about 12 more if I 1000g them) I'll push for it but I only have a little over a week left.

Oh and if anyone has COD: WaW I only have the 4player co-op achievement left to get if you could help out on that.

On that note thanks to most of you for the support and keep gaming.

1 year ago | Comments (4)

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

Asshats and Sand in Your VaginaWelcome to portion where I respond to many of the messages I've been receiving over the past week.

First off thanks to everyone that has sent me supportive messages or just inquiring ones about the games I've played for the contest.

Second, to those of you that have been harassing me and claiming I've been cheating kindly stfu.

The rules of our supposedly friendly contest did not expressly forbid any game type, genre, or specific title. I know the vast majority of my gamer score has come from horrible games, I played them. But to insult me because you are

A) Unable to play these games for the contest because you already have so they don't count.

B) Find the games too lame to play

is just childish and you tarnish the entire community with your attitude. There are achievement hunters here of all types and just because you more than likely won't win this contest doesn't mean you can't win another.

If some of you stopped to think you'd realize that in using these games up for points now I'm crippling myself for future gamer score races.

If anyone would like an honest opinion of some of the games I played, some of you have already asked me, I'd be more than willing to share my experience and how difficult/easy it was to get through.

Also andrew panton makes me nervous. Only because he's been talked up in the Drunk Tank and seems to me, to be chasing me down.

I sincerely hope everyone can just enjoy the games and the contest without the rudeness and poor gamesmanship.

1 year ago | Comments (3) | + 2 Cool

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

20000+So the climb continues. Not much in the way of achievements this week since everything I've played has had some sort of ridiculous collectible(s) associated with it. If anyone was wondering Harry Potter and the HBP (acronym for an STD) was actually pretty fun, minus the goddamn 150 crests that needed collecting.

This contest is certainly turning into one long episode of forced enjoyment. I can see one or two games being funny but I feel like I;m physically cutting myself every time I play one of these. Meet the Robinsons, where I got to hear Harland Williams saying, "Good job, little buddy," after almost every bit of progression made me hate him more than Dane Cook. And Eragon was even worse than Jack's forced enjoyment video described. Blocking in that game is so broken a stuntman should have done it. I'll say this as well, no one has ever had an opinion of Superman Returns that hasn't been 100% true. It was like Spiderman 2 but only not fun in any way and if you happen to want to play it for a quick 1k points, don't. I sank 24 hours into it. Mostly due to the fact that I couldn't stand looking for the cats after finishing the game or that I picked up a few along the way and couldn't remember where I had got them. The online guide is wrong on the locations of several of them so it turned into a rage quit scenario every 30 minutes in my house.

But I guess it comes down to whether I want to win. Yes and no. I never thought I would be in the lead, top 10 was my mark, but now that I am up there I keep getting the itch to keep it. Oh man, there are going to be some terrible games this week...I'll give you guys a hint. She's a pop culture snaggle tooth phenomenon with the last name of a state. If that game takes me more than 6 hours someone might want to call me a crisis counselor.

1 year ago | Comments (1) | + 1 Cool

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

AH Race 50000So I'm pretty impressed with myself for being number one. It's not an egotistical statement but one of fact. I look at the fact that after week one I'm in the lead and say to myself, "What the fuck?" I spent a little time researching and then went after the achievements. I'm proud to say of all the achievements I've gained I've also been mastering the games and scoring a full 1000. And I guess that's been the criteria for games that I choose, "Can I 100% these?"

That said this past week I've been slugging through some real time consuming games so I guess that means I could lose my lead or something but at least the completionist part of me, or the OCD side, will be sated by the fact those games will never enter my xbox again.

If you have any game suggestions, you know maybe you happen to be cheering me on or something, then I'll take them. Just look at my gamercard to see if I've already played it.

In the long run I may have to use some games with a huge amount of multiplayer achievements so maybe there's going to be an event grind in the community.

Also I would have beaten Geoff's record of 10k in 3.5 days but I stopped to enjoy a day of boating, fishing and bbq. I've been kicking myself ever since.

1 year ago | Comments (3) | + 1 Cool

HerpsMcGirps

DNADeficient

Pool of DeathI live in Arizona and am lucky enough to have a pool to swim in seven months out of the year. Unfortunately, it has taken the name the P.O.D. or pool of death. Without fail every spring I run through the full range of typical desert wildlife dying in the pool. Short of a coyote, or bobcat, I've pulled everything out of there. Desert Tortoise, jack rabbits, rattlesnakes, kangaroo rats, scorpions, tarantulas, sun spiders, skunk, owl, neighborhood cat, pigeons, and even a frog. I live about 5 miles from the Colorado river so they're in the area but that's far from their "hopping" grounds (cue groan).

So the new season has begun and so far I've pulled out a scorpion, a rat, and two baby bunnies. I'm taking bets amongst friends what is going to be next. If you have any ideas feel free to guess as well.

2 years ago | Comments (0) | + 1 Cool